250: Rewriting the Holiday Code: Creating a Season That Feels Like Your Own

In this solo episode, I share my own journey of rewriting the holiday code, beginning with the years when my husband, Rich, and I spent Christmas driving all over Michigan, trying to make everyone happy. Caught between family expectations and the fear of disappointing our mothers, we found ourselves repeating old patterns rather than creating the holiday experience we truly wanted. I explore how the holidays can bring us right back into childhood roles, even when we've done so much work to become independent adults. I share the practical changes Rich and I made over time, from creating a vision for the season and choosing values like gratitude, to establishing new traditions, asking for what we needed, and making space for ourselves as a couple. We began approaching family gatherings with more awareness, noticing the roles we slipped into and learning that we could remain connected to our families without abandoning ourselves. Eventually, we made the bigger decision to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at home, creating a holiday experience that reflected the family we were building. I also offer a reflection inspired by the VOICE framework in my book, Rewrite the Mother Code, to help you envision the holiday season you want to create. We'll explore what you loved about the holidays growing up, what felt difficult, and the deeper values underneath those experiences. Whether you're ready to make big changes or simply want to approach this season with more awareness, I invite you to include yourself in the experience you're creating and practice mothering yourself along the way. You’ll also hear about: (00:17) My experience of trying to make everyone happy during the holidays (05:27) Recognizing the family roles and expectations we carry into adulthood (06:40) Creating a holiday vision rooted in connection, meaning, and nourishment (08:39) Building traditions and spreading the joy across the entire season (10:46) Observing family dynamics and recognizing when we fall into old roles (13:15) Asking for what we need and showing up as contributing adults (15:40) Creating space for ourselves while staying connected to family (18:28) Making the decision to spend Christmas at home and honoring our own family traditions (20:07) Using the VOICE framework to begin rewriting your holiday code (21:00) Reflecting on childhood memories, difficult experiences, and the values underneath them (25:28) The holidays as the “Olympics” of personal growth and practicing new ways of relating (27:09) Becoming a grandmother and offering the next generation freedom to create their own traditions (28:15) Practicing self-mothering and including your own needs in the holiday experience Don't miss this invitation to rewrite your holiday code, honor what matters to you, and create a season that feels more meaningful and nourishing! Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you listen to podcasts! A Holiday Gift from Dr. Gertrude: Join me for the Mexico Self-Mothering Retreat, January 30–February 6, 2027. As a special gift to listeners, I'm offering $250 off the retreat for anyone who expresses interest by Cyber Monday, November 30, 2026. Click here for your $250 Holiday Gift and to learn more about the Mexico Retreat. You don't have to make a final decision by November 30. Simply reach out by that date and let us know you've listened to the podcast and would like to receive the offer. Your holiday gift will be honored if you decide to join us. Follow Dr. Gertrude: Learn more on Dr. Gertrude’s <a href="https://www.drgertrudelyons.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target