326 | you can be a christian, set boundaries AND be a good person: people pleasing, self trust & burnout w/ therapist sarah underbrink

What if setting a boundary doesn't make you mean or a “bad Christian” — but is actually a way of honoring yourself, your nervous system, and the life God has given you? In this episode, Devoney sits down with Christian therapist and licensed minister Sarah Underbrink to unpack the connection between faith, mental health, boundaries, people-pleasing, burnout, confidence, and nervous system regulation. If you're a high-achieving woman who constantly says yes, worries about disappointing people, over-explains your decisions, or feels guilty for needing rest and space, this conversation is for you. Together, Devoney and Sarah explore why people-pleasing can become spiritualized, why “dying to self” doesn't mean destroying or abandoning yourself, and how your nervous system can actually help you discern what is a healthy yes and what needs to be a no. You'll also hear a powerful perspective on Proverbs 31 and what it means to have the audacity to “laugh at the days to come” — not because life is always easy, but because you trust in the God who has your future. In this episode, you'll learn: • Why boundaries are not unkind or un-Christian • The hidden connection between people-pleasing and the need for approval • Why someone else's disappointment doesn't automatically mean God is disappointed with you • How to tell the difference between anxiety and fight-or-flight from spiritual discernment • How to set boundaries without taking responsibility for other people's reactions • The difference between people-pleasing and genuine kindness • How faith and nervous-system regulation can work together rather than being treated as separate If you're ready to spend less time overthinking, and step into a calmer, more confident, more unapologetic version of yourself, this episode is for you. HIGHLIGHTS | 03:11 — You Don't Have to Choose Between Faith & Mental Health 07:45 — The Proverbs 31 Woman Has the Audacity to Laugh at the Future 11:59 — Boundaries Don't Make You a Bad Christian 13:10 — The Hidden Reason We Don't Set Boundaries 15:00 — Your Soul Is the Holy of Holies 16:39 — Someone Else's Disappointment Doesn't Mean God Is Disappointed With You 18:39 — When People-Pleasing Becomes “Being a Good Christian” 21:05 — “Dying to Self” Doesn't Mean Destroying Yourself 21:52 — Why We Wear Burnout Like a Badge of Honor 24:38 — Your Nervous System Is Giving You Information 26:35 — Is It Anxiety or God's Voice? 29:43 — You Don't Have to Manage Other People's Reactions 30:42 — You Are the Expert of Your Own Body 32:30 — Unhealthy People Can't Always Understand Healthy Boundaries 34:31 — Boundaries Protect, They Don't Punish 35:43 — Change “I Have To” Into “I Get To” 37:17 — The Proverbs 31 Mindset COMING UP START HERE | 🎧 Download the Free 4 Minute Calm Reset: my go to breathing practice for peace & calm 🎙Tune in to other listener favorite episodes: 4 Things I'd Do Differently If I Was Starting My Anxiety & Confidence Journey over 4 Steps to Go From Nervous to Doing the Dang Thing MENTIONED | ABOUT FREE & WELL | Free & Well is a mental wellness movement helping women start fully living their lives. Hosted by anxiety therapist & yoga teacher & therapeu